Category: Lifestyle

Build a lifestyle that supports your self-care journey.

What Is Social Self Care? A Simple Guide to a Healthy Social Life

When we hear about self care, it’s often in relation to personal routines like skincare or relaxation techniques. However, there’s another crucial aspect of self care that’s often overlooked: social self care. But what is social self care exactly?

It’s about the practices you can add to improve your social interactions. It’s the habits that help you maintain healthy, supportive relationships. The main pillars of social self care are:

prioritizing meaningful connections with others
nurturing friendships
being part of a community

In this simple guide, we’ll explore what social self care is and why it’s important. We will also look into practical ways to incorporate it into your life.

So let’s zoom in on these aspects one by one.

What Is Social Self Care

Social self care is the practice of intentionally nurturing and maintaining social connections. This supports your mental and emotional wellbeing. It goes beyond just spending time with others. It’s about engaging in relationships that are meaningful and positive.

What is social self care exactly?

It involves making choices that prioritize your social needs, such as:

seeking healthy and uplifting connections with others
maintaining meaningful friendships
prioritizing relationships with people who make you feel valued and understood
setting boundaries with people who drain your energy

Why Is Social Self Care Important

We are social animals. So we can’t overlook the importance of our social connections in our lives.

Numerous studies have shown that loneliness can lead to:

Long-term health issues. The stress of social isolation increases inflammation in the body and impairs your immune system. The impact of social isolation on your health is very similar to that of smoking or living with obesity.
“Fight-or-flight” stress response. Loneliness can also activate your nervous system.
Cognitive decline. Prolonged periods of loneliness increase the risk of Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.
Exacerbated mental illness. Social support plays a significant role in mental health. If you are already suffering with mental illness, isolation will worsen it. Even healthy individuals need a support system. We are meant to live in tribes, and we feel safe when we belong to something bigger than ourselves.
Shorter lifespan. Social isolation can increase your risk of death to a similar degree as smoking.

Types of Social Self Care

Now let’s get into the practical side of things. Let’s have a look at the different types of social self care and how you can incorporate them in your day-to-day life.

Cultivating and Maintaining Healthy Relationships

The first thing that comes to mind when thinking about social self care is healthy relationships. The way we interact with and relate to the people in our lives has a crucial role in our social self care. We need a strong support system to thrive.

You might have noticed that relationships grow more difficult as you age. You have a full schedule, a busy day at home, family, chores, responsibilities. Somehow time seems to shrink. And your relationships are the first to suffer.

But it’s important to make an effort if you want to have a healthy emotional life. You need to book time for your relationships, just as you put time aside for your job or household chores.

Make sure you spend quality time with all your loved ones. Do things together, like going to the cinema or cooking. Have meaningful conversations, check in with each other. Take time to listen to them and understand what they are coming from. Share your own personal struggles and ask for advice. Be authentic and curious, stay connected.

We tend to overlook our relationships with our immediate family. Maybe because it feels like they’re always there. But the quality of these relationships can decrease if we don’t maintain them properly.

So here’s a checklist of relationships you should not overlook. Make sure you take the time and nourish these relationships:

your parents, grandparents
your partner/spouse
your children
your regular friends
new people you have met and would like to have as friends
work besties (if you have them)

All of these relationships require your commitment. Otherwise, your social life will deteriorate and become a source of stress.

Prioritizing Meaningful Connections

It’s easy to look at your address book, or social media, and think you have a lot of friends. We interact and socialize with a lot of people every day. We have casual conversations with our coworkers, chat with our neighbours, write on social media with people we have never met.

But these kinds of connections are based on surface-level interactions. They don’t provide genuine support or emotional nourishment.

Social self care is about relationships built on trust, vulnerability and mutual respect. These relationships should provide a strong support system.

So make sure to plan some time with your real friends. Those friends you feel comfortable sharing your insecurities with. Or the friends who have similar interests with you. Ask them about their life or their hobbies. Start deep conversations that help you both know each other.

If you don’t know where to begin with meaningful conversations, try planning an activity together. Do something together that is important for you. The conversation will start naturally. For example, if you are passionate about the environment, suggest a nature walk together. It’s so much easier to spark a conversation about your favourite subject in this environment.

Community Engagement

The next step in your social self care practice is that feeling of belonging to a community. We are not islands. We are part of tribes, groups of people. We need to feel that we are part of something bigger than ourselves, to connect with like-minded people. This is what brings us fulfillment.

It could be:

In your neighbourhood

Get to know your neighbours
Get involved in your neighbourhood activities
Start an initiative for the problems you want to solve in your immediate community.
Inspire your neighbours to collaborate and help each other.

Offline activities

Find a club or a group of people who support your hobbies. Exchange knowledge and opinions with like-minded people.
Go to events or activities that support your interests.

Community work / Giving back

Find a cause that in important to you, and volunteer. You will meet new people, connect with people who have the same values as you. And you will feel good about yourself.

A sense of purpose is essential to our emotional wellbeing, and very few people have it these days. In a world where everything is about efficiency and productivity, we forget to pause and reflect on our role. We do have an impact on our world and community, whether we like ti or not. So make sure it’s a positive one!

It’s not a waste of time to “work for free”. You gain something that is invaluable: perspective, connection, and purpose. You contribute to something that’s bigger than you, you make the world a better place. It’s so rewarding!

Habits for Social Self Care

Before I wrap up, I’d like to share with you a few ideas for habits you could adopt to improve your social life. These are tips that have helped me with my social self care routine. I hope you will find something you can add to your daily life.

Weekly reminders to call your parents, grandparents etc. It only takes a few minutes of your time. But to them it’s priceless. And you will see your relationship improve.
Join a club that requires regular attendance. This will force you to commit to this self are habit, because it won’t be as easy to find excuses to postpone.
Make a habit of checking in with friends on a certain day of the week. I am quite forgetful when it comes to checking in with friends, so I actually book it in my agenda. For instance, Tuesdays are check-in days with Bella. So every Tuesday I’m reminded to drop her a message or call.
Once a month organize a get-together with your closest friends. Cook dinner, movie night, go to a concert or comedy show.
Organize your vacations with friends. If you have a friend you don’t see often since you’re both always busy, consider booking a vacation together. You get to see each other in a less stressful environment, when you aren’t always on the run. And you get to spend quality time together.
Go to the gym with a friend, or find a class you can do together. This way, you can see each other more often, while sharing an activity.
Make house calls cool again. People used to drop by all the time. It’s true that we are busier these days and don’t have the time for unexpected calls. But we need to normalize visiting each other’s homes. One of the main reasons people don’t go out as much is because it’s expensive. So why not stay at home? After all, the goal is to see your friends. You really don’t need a fancy restaurant for that.
End of day check-in with your partner/spouse. We are so busy that we tend to overlook the relationships that are closest to us. We get into a routine and, because we see each other every day, we think that’s enough. But this is not true. Every relationship needs to be nurtured, including that with your significant other. Take a few minutes at the end of the day to check in with each other, talk about your day, give each other advice and support. After all, you are partners in life.

These are just a few ideas of small habits you can incorporate in your day to improve your relationships. They have worked for me. If you have suggestions of other useful habits, please feel free to share them in the comments. I would love to hear form you, and we could all benefit from new tips and tricks.

If you want to learn more about self care, you can check out this article: on the 7 pillars of emotional self care:

What Is Emotional Self Care: The 7 Pillars of Emotional Health

7 Most Common Self Care Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

So you have started your self care journey but it isn’t going quite as you expected? You may be making one of the 7 common self care mistakes and don’t even know it.

Trust me, I know what it’s like, I’ve been there. More often than I’d like to admit.

In this article, I will get into every one of them, and I’ll show you how to avoid them.

What Are Self Care Mistakes?

If you feel that self care isn’t quite working for you, maybe it’s because you are too strict with it. Or you may be too strict with yourself.

Self care is about making space, being patient and learning self compassion.

If you feel stuck, it may be because you are treating it too much like a job. And this is the exact opposite of what you want.

Don’t worry, we’ll get into all the self care mistakes you might be making, and I’ll show you how to avoid them.

I know “self care mistakes” sounds scary, but there’s no need to panic. This article isn’t supposed to show you yet another thing you are doing wrong. It’s supposed to be a tool to help you out on your journey, and make your work a lot easier.

So without further ado, let’s get into it!

1. Bubble Baths Are Not Self Care

This is the most common misconception people have about self care.

It’s true, it may be pleasant in the moment. And there is nothing wrong with treating yourself once in a while. But a bubble bath won’t work for your long term wellbeing.

Self care is about sustained effort. It is about creating a routine that’s beneficial for your physical and emotional health.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against treating yourself to a slice of chocolate cake, while watching your favourite comfort movie. I don’t object to a hot bath after a long day. But please don’t mistake this for self care, and don’t expect it to make you feel better on the long run.

2. Having Unrealistic Expectations

Self care covers many aspects, and there is a lot that goes into it. It can mean physical, emotional, social, spiritual self care and so on.

One of the most common self care mistakes people make, is trying to do everything at the same time. I am guilty of it. I used to stack up as many self care routines as I could in a day. And then felt guilty when I failed.

If you are starting out, don’t try to cram everything in your daily routine. You will get overwhelmed and, within a couple of days, you will feel like a failure.

Try to introduce new routines one by one. Then only add new ones when the old ones are habit and don’t require any effort to maintain.

For more ideas on how to begin your self care journey, check out this article here:

Best Strategy to Begin Your Self Care Journey and Stick to It

3. Treating It Like a Job

Another mistake you might be making is treating your self care journey like you would a job. This means putting pressure on yourself to tick off everything you decided to do in a day.

I used to do this all the time. Every day I would set goals for myself. I would force myself to

meditate
work out
socialize
eat healthy
do breathing exercises

I would have to hit all these targets on my to-do list every day and I would feel disappointed if I didn’t.

This is the best recipe for failure. There’s a reason why its called “care”. You’re supposed to care for yourself, not stress yourself out even more. So if your self care journey feels like a chore, it most likely is.

Try to be more forgiving with yourself. Give yourself space and be patient. Self care is not supposed to be another to-do list that you have to tick off at the end of the day.

4. Only Focusing on One Aspect of Self Care

As I said earlier, self care has many aspects and it requires a holistic approach.

Going to therapy is self care, but so is regular exercise or nurturing your relationships. If you are only focusing on one aspect, you might be missing out on the benefits of self care.

It’s great that you are doing your meditation practice every morning. But if you are not looking after your body, that can affect your mental health. Everything is connected.

For your overall wellbeing, you should look after your mental, emotional and physical health.

I know that sounds like a lot of work. But you can begin with small steps and build up from there.

5. Not Asking for Help

One of the most common self care mistakes people make is trying to do it all on their own.

The world we live in has pushed us to be more and more individualistic. To the point where we’re afraid or ashamed to ask for help. I don’t know about you, but I always hesitate to ask for help from others. It feels like I’m being a nuisance.

But we are social animals. We are meant to live in tribes, to co-exist. We are supposed to help each other out and to depend on each other. We connect when we work together.

Try to get over the fear of asking. If you don’t know how to, here’s how it worked for me:

Think back on the last time someone asked you for help.
How did you feel?
Were happy to be of use?

Chances are the answer is yes. Because we like to feel needed. The idea that others feel bothered by our needs is often only in our heads.

Most people, decent people, are happy to help. As for the rest, you don’t want them in your life anyway.

6. Not Being Consistent

Like with everything, consistency is key. You cannot see results if you don’t make a practice and stick to it.

I understand that this might be challenging, since we are always busy. It’s hard to cram new habits and practices into an already busy schedule.

This is why I always recommend to take it slowly.

Start with small steps and keep at it.

It’s more efficient than going at it in leaps and bounds. Focus on small habits and do them consistently. The results will be instantaneous. I promise, it works every time!

7. Learning Instead of Practising

If you are reading this article about self care mistakes, that’s great. Learn what you need from it. But then go do it!

Information without practice is useless.

You are not working on your self care because you are reading about it.

It’s easy to fall into this trap. Consuming content and info on something is great. It teaches you what you need to know, and the internet is a wonderful tool for learning.

But one of the downsides is that it’s meant to keep you engaged at all times. You are supposed to spend your time consuming content, instead of going out there and living your life.

If you are not applying what you have learnt, you are wasting your time.

So start now.

Begin a new practice now.

Improve on it as you go.

Learn along the way.

Just do!

Conclusion

If you have been making some of these self care mistakes, that’s ok. This is how we learn. But now you know how to fix it.

Remember that you are doing it for yourself. There is no audience, no pressure and no finish line.

It takes time. Self care is a practice, not a race. You’re not trying to prove anything. And it’s not supposed to be perfect, whatever “perfect” means.

Learn to be patient with yourself, and stay consistent.

Have you made any of these self care mistakes on your self care journey? How did you deal with them? Please share your experience, and any tips & tricks in the comments!

What Is Physical Self Care: Easy Steps for Your Daily Routine

Hello and welcome to this article about what is physical self care! No doubt, you have noticed that self care talk is more and more present online. Self care covers a lot of ground, but in this post I will focus on the physical aspect of it. How do we care for our physical body and well-being?

To answer what is physical self care, we have to go into the many aspects that it covers. For most people, physical exercise is the first thing that comes to mind. You go to the gym, or do yoga, or any kind of workout. And this is how you look after your physical body.

In reality, it takes more than that. Physical self care is:

physical exercise
hygiene
prevention
healthy eating
good sleep
a clean environment
sometimes pampering

Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you have to add even more to your ever-growing daily to-do list. We will get into implementing all aspects of physical self care in a seamless and easy way.

We’ll get into each of these aspects and discuss what is physical self care and what it is not. I will also give you a fool-proof recipe on how to include more physical self care in your day-to-day, without disrupting your current habits.

What Is Physical Self Care?

So let’s get into it! There are 7 main pillars for physical self care. Let’s take them one by one.

1. Physical Exercise

Let’s start with the one everybody is thinking of. We all agree that to have a healthy body, we need to move. Whether we like it or not, whether we have a workout regime in our daily routine of not, we know it’s good for us.

What most people don’t know, is that moving our body is not only good for our physical health. It also works wonders for our mental health. Studies have shown that a high intensity workout 3 times a week has better results for depression and anxiety than medication.

People who exercise regularly have less stress, more resilience and better mood.

But high intensity exercise is not the only answer. The good news is: any kind of physical activity is beneficial. This means even Pilates or yoga, stretching or taking a walk.

The key is to move. Find something that works for you, something that you enjoy and gets to blood running.

2. Hygiene

When thinking about what is physical self care, we should also take a look at other aspects, such as hygiene. Why is hygiene important?

Apart from the obvious, good hygiene can prevent the development of disease. It helps prevent the spread of infectious diseases and is responsible for better physical health.

On top of that, it helps with your confidence. Let’s not forget that we live among other people, who often assess us through the way we present ourselves. It’s how we work, and we all do it. Appearances matter, and this has a direct consequence on our place in society.

A clean, healthy appearance is a confidence booster. And you definitely noticed it yourself. Have you ever run into someone when you were wearing something scruffy? How did you feel? And how do you feel when you are put together? Do you notice a difference in confidence?

3. Prevention

Prevention can mean many things, but I want to focus here on medical prevention.

Physical self care is also about your regular physical exams. It’s abut blood work and regular check-ups. It’s about staying on top of your health.

Think of it this way: do you take your child to regular check-ups? Do you take your pet to the vet? Then why aren’t you doing the same for yourself?

It’s always better to prevent than to treat, and caring for your own health is an act of self love.

Go ahead and book that appointment! It only takes a minute, but it’s so precious in the long run.

4. Healthy Eating

What you put in your body affects your physical health. We tend to forget that, because of our busy lives. Food has so many uses in our daily lives:

it’s this thing that we need to get out of the way because we are busy. So we gobble up something at our desk, or in the car, to fill our stomach
it’s a social occasion. This is when we catch up with friends, the only time in the day we can take a moment and talk
it’s the thing we use at the end of the day to numb our overwhelming feelings. It’s the comfort, the feel-good moment
it’s the thing we sometimes use to control the way we look

But we have forgotten its actual purpose: to nourish. Start thinking about food in this way. When you decide what and when to eat, make this decision intentional. Ask yourself what your food is giving you. Forget about diets and convenience. Does the thing you eat offer nourishment?

5. Good Sleep

The benefits of good sleep are many, sleep supports every system in your body. It’s like your reset button.

Our days have grown more busy and our schedule more full then ever. It’s understandable that we tend to see sleep as an inconvenience. There are so many hours in the day when we are not productive.

Unfortunately, sleep deprivation comes with many short- and long-term consequences:

a weakened immune system
increased risk of obesity and type 2 diabetes and dementia
increased depression and anxiety
affects cognitive functions, like attention, decision-making and memory

The amount of sleep we need differs according to age, but for adults it’s 7 or more hours. Best approach is to listen to your body. If it needs more hours of sleep, find a way to include them in your schedule. For example, skip the midnight doom scrolling. It may seem like what you need in that moment, but it’s not.

Prioritize your sleep and you will have more energy to get things done the next day.

6. Your Environment

We often overlook it, but our environment has an impact on our physical health.

The air we breathe has a direct impact on our physical body. While we can’t control what we breathe in when we go out, we do have control over our own home.

If you live in a polluted urban area, you can use an air purifier in your home. Especially if you or someone in your household suffers from allergies.

One of the more overlooked aspects of air quality is the pollutants we ourselves use. Cleaning supplies and scented candles are often toxic, and these toxins can linger in our home for days. Try to be more mindful with the products you buy. Opt for more natural substances and be weary of synthetic perfumes.

Another aspect of a healthy environment is cleanliness and order. Hygiene extends to your environment as well, not only your body. Make a habit of keeping it clean. This will also improve your mood, as clutter often leads to a cluttered mind as well.

7. Pampering

What is physical self care without bath bombs and facials, right?

In reality, this is a bit controversial. Yes, pampering can be a part of self care. There is nothing wrong with taking a relaxing bubble bath. Unfortunately, many people see it as the only way to self care. And this is unhelpful.

Pampering alone cannot improve your physical health. If you don’t take the previous points seriously, pampering is not going to help. You can burrow into your cozy bed with a hot drink at the end of the day, and it might make you feel better in the moment. But your struggles will not go away the next day. These are quick fixes.

If you are looking for significant change, you need to put in the work every day.

This is not to say that pampering isn’t good for you. But please see it for what it is: having a nice, relaxing time. Relaxation is necessary for your physical and mental health, so make the most of it. But don’t make it the be-all and end-all of self care.

Your First Steps to Physical Self Care

Now that your have a better understanding of what is physical self care, you may want to start adding it to your day-to-day life. But there are so many aspects of it, and so much to do. It can be overwhelming. If you want to know where to start, here are 3 easy steps that you can incorporate into your routine starting today:

1. Start with physical check-ups.

It takes 5 minutes to make a call. You don’t have to book them all now. Start with what seems more important for you right now.

If you haven’t been to the dentist’s in a long time, you can start there.
If you wear glasses, it’s a good idea to go and get your eyes checked.

You get the picture.

2. Go for a walk 3 times a week

You don’t have to get a gym membership. If you don’t already have an exercise routine, you will not use it.

But you can add a 20-minute walk in your schedule 3 times a week.

You can try squeezing it in after a quick lunch. If you can wake up 20 minutes earlier, do that.

Instead of going on social media in the evening, take a walk around the block.

There are many ways in which you can get some time for yourself every other day. 20 minutes isn’t that long at all.

3. Go to bed before midnight

If you go to bed late, try to push your bedtime earlier little by little. You can start going to bed 15 minutes earlier this week. Then, next week, add another 15 minutes. And so on.

Going to bed earlier will improve the quality of your sleep.

It’s such a small change, but the effects are significant.

To stay motivated, remember you are making these changes for your own health and well being.

As these small habits become the norm in your day-to-day life, you can start introducing new ones, like:

changing your filters and cleaning products
adding 10 more minutes to your walks
adding a 10-minute stretching routine in the morning
reading up on nutrition and healthy eating
taking 5 minutes to tidy up before going to bed

Don’t try to do it all at once. Always keep in mind that in order for it to stick, a habit needs time to become normalized.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, or it will all feel like a burden.

Take your time. Self care is a practice, not a race.

To learn more on how to begin your self care journey an stick to it, check out this article:

Best Strategy to Begin Your Self Care Journey and Stick to It

Living with Burnout: What I Learned after 3 Crippling Years

I promise, this will not be a doom-and-gloom post about living with burnout. I will explore the lessons I learned during my 3-year experience with burnout. But I will also focus on recovery.

I am hoping this will give you a better understanding of that it means to be living with burnout, and find motivation to get out of it.

Over many years for living with burnout, as well as self care journey, I gained a lot of perspective. I was surprised to learn that this experience was not only traumatizing. I also helped me to know myself better and discover my priorities.

I will share these insights with you. Keep reading if you want to understand your own journey better, or if you have a loved one who is living with burnout.

H2 Lessons Learned while Living with Burnout

Many of the insights I had from living with burnout will sound like harsh truths, and not easy to read. But that’s just a first impression. In reality, every insight is empowering.

Having a clear understanding of where you stand can show you what to do to overcome your obstacles. You have more power over your own destiny. You know what you are missing, and you can make more informed choices moving forward.

You Lost Control of Your Own Life

If you suspect you might be living with burnout, you are. This is because we are all deep into it when we start noticing symptoms. You have been going through the motions. Without questioning, you have been doing what you had to do, but forgot to check in with yourself.

Burnout can be

living a life that is no longer in line with your values
losing your way
losing your touch with your initial purpose
your purpose has changed along the way, while you are still following the old blueprint

Either way, burnout is about a disconnect within yourself. If you don’t know what that is yet, you need to self reflect.

Living with Burnout Makes You Bitter

You are not a pleasant friend of colleague. Burnout means feeling overwhelmed, struggling every day just to keep yourself afloat. Everything else is extra effort which requires energy that you don’t have.

So you are down. In your overwhelm, you don’t see things clearly. You only see the the dark clouds. This makes you not fun to be around.

This doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have friends. Everyone goes through dark times, and your friends will understand. Letting them know that you are aware and thanking them for their patience will give you both peace of mind.

You Will Lose Friends

Still, some people might not understand. Or your fragility might be too much for them to deal with in that stage of their life. That’s understandable, and you shouldn’t victimize yourself or get mad at them. We are all at different stages in our lives and we are all dealing the best we can.

You might also lose friends because you are not maintaining your relationships.

When you are living with burnout, it feels like a full time job. All the energy you have, you burn to get through the day. You feel exhausted, and navigating social situations can be challenging. This is why you are are avoiding them.

I often found myself not answering the phone, or declining invitations. This is because one more social engagement felt daunting and I was already drained. In such cases, it’s not surprising that some people might stop checking in.

It’s not their fault, but neither is it yours. Have self compassion, you are doing your best.

The World Moves on, It Will not Wait for You

While you are in a slump, the world keeps going.

You feel overwhelmed with your everyday tasks and responsibilities.
Staying up-to-date with the ever-changing climate is too much for you.
You will see your friends make life-changing decisions, get married, have children, grow in their careers, be successful.

During all this, you feel stuck. You want to move forward, but you can’t, or don’t know where. And you feel left behind.

Don’t worry. While it’s true that your progress gets frozen, you will catch up when you out of this.

You Are not Seeing the Bigger Picture

You are so zoomed in on your own problems, that you lost perspective. The issues you are grappling with are not as big or scary as you perceive them.

The office politics that are keeping you up at night will mean nothing in a year’s time. They have no real consequence on your life and what matters to you. But your burnout makes you see every little squabble as an insurmountable problem.

This is normal. Your energy is limited, and conflict while living with burnout can be draining.

What I Learned from My Recovery Journey

Self Care Is Your Way Out

Since you lost touch with yourself, you need to start caring for yourself again. You have to look after yourself like you wold a loved one. Put in the time every day.

Look after your physical health
Build a support system or consolidate it if you have it
Work on your mindset
Practice mindfulness

You are right, this is a lot of effort. But you don’t have to do it all at the same time. Start small, with manageable habits which can be easily implemented.

Check out this article on 5 easy habits I implemented in my own life.

On your self care journey, you will begin to gain perspective. As you work on yourself every day, you will find your way to the real you.

As I was making my way out of burnout, I discovered my authentic self. I found myself cutting through the noise and focusing on what matters to me. Doing this work helped me understand myself better than I ever had, it gave me clarity.

Conclusion

Living with burnout is exhausting all your energy to survive. It’s taking everything from you, until your are lifeless and joyless. Breaking out of burnout is hard work. The whole experience feels overwhelming, exhausting and unfair.

But every negative experience comes with life lessons and increased clarity.

This is how I choose to look at it:

Do I wish I hadn’t lost 3 years to this experience? Yes

But it happened and it’s out of my control. So do I choose to moan the lost time? Or do I choose to learn form it and be stronger moving forward?